Saturday, August 18, 2007

You know you are Korean if...

1. You have a container full of Kim-Chee in your fridge right now

2. You think that your mom's kimchi can cure your grandma's halitosis
and your grandpa's cancer.

3. If you ain't chewing and slurping your food at a loud volume then
you obviously ain't enjoying it.

4. You describe any girl over 110 pounds as "fat."

5. Even though you weigh 120 you have to try and out bench the 190
pound guy, because he's a foreigner.

6. Your cell phone has more than 20 pictures stored on it...of

7. You're standing in the shower at the Sauna and offer to scrub a
total stranger's back.

8. You don't think it's at all weird to share a hot tub butt naked with
a grandfather and his two grandsons.

9. You dial a wrong number, proceed to yell at the people on the other
end of the line for not being the people you were trying to call, hang up
on them in a huff......and then hit redial.

10. You do exactly what your boss tells you to do, no matter how stupid
and idiotic.

11. You would never dream of asking to get paid extra for the overtime

12. You feel well rewarded for the long hours and sacrifice if you get
taken out for sam-gap-sal (Pork BBQ)and a few hours in a singing room once
or twice a year.

13. You put sweet potato on pizza.

14. You push, claw, and elbow your way to position yourself to be the
first to exit the subway car, and then right after you exit, you walk at a
snail's pace.

15. You proudly adorn your new business with a sign that reads:
"SINCE 2007"

16. You close the business two years later after realizing there were
already ten nearly identical businesses on the same block.

17. You would rather park on the sidewalk than the huge parking lot 5
feet away.

18. You drive for 5 hours to spend 30 minutes at some over crowded
tourist trap.

19. You order a side of kimchi to go with your steak.

20. You ask the foreigner next to you if he can use chopsticks, while he
is eating with chopsticks.

21. You deny that Koreans still eat dog, after the foreigner next to you
has just said, "Last night I went out for dog with some Korean friends, it
was better than I thought it would be!"

22. You think the messages of the Buddha and Jesus are perfectly
compatible with the statement: "Koreans are a superior race."

23. You base that superiority on being a descendent of a bear that ate

24. And you claim the above is only a myth, but you believe it. And that
makes sense to you.

25. No one in your country has AIDS, but "kimchi" can cure it.

26. You have a terrible cold and it doesn't occur to you that coughing
in other people's faces and food will make them sick too.

27. You stick a needle in your thumb to relieve indigestion.

28. Your main purpose of going to the office everyday is to persuade
your colleague(s) into a night of drinking.

29. Low cut, v-neck, floral print, pink t-shirt, shiny jeans, and Paris
Hilton-esque sunglasses are perfectly acceptable items for a heterosexual
man to wear for a night on the prowl.

30. You put corn on/in any kind of Western food. (This one's for you, Juniper!)

31. You warn your visiting friends/family about how hot ALL Korean food
is... and check to make sure they can eat it when they're half done.

32. You cover your mouth when you laugh or smile but not when you cough
or sneeze.

33. You own a rice cooker or two.

34. You buy soy sauce by the gallon.

35. You do that twirling thingie with you pen

36. You bring home all A's and one B, and your parents yell, "Why did you get a B?"

37. You either have to be a doctor, lawyer, or some big-time business tychoon

38. When some mega-mega nerd student is in the korean newspaper, your parents say, "why can't you be like him?"

39. Your parent's idea of a social life is church

40. Your parents think anything goes with rice

41. The rice you eat can stick to anything

42.You can't believe your parents could have concieved children

43.Your parents still spank you, even when you move out

44.Failing a class means finding a new place to live

45. You have naked baby pictures of you

46. When someone points you out, they say "that one chinese girl (or guy).

47. when you ask your parents if you can go out, they either reply "No" or "hmph" which means yes.

48. you go out two fridays in a row, and they yell that you go out too much.

49. when you go to buffets, your parents make you eat until you think you're going to hurl, and even after you do, they say, "good, eat more."

50. You have the ability to tell the different Asians apart (ie. Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese).

51. Your parents verbally abuse you, even when joking around.

52. Your parents will be helping you with a math problem, but when you get something wrong, they'll start yelling and swearing at you so loud, as if you just committed some deadly crime.

53. Summer does not mean playtime to your parents. Summer means- bust out those workbooks so you can get ahead in class!

54. Whenever guests come over, your parents make you whip out your violin/piano skills.

55. When guests are leaving your house, you have to stand outside your house saying bye to them, not to mention bowing a gazillion times.

56. You'll buy a shirt full price, and your parents will yell, "What! You could have bought that for $2 at the swap meet!"

57. you're going out with a friend and your parents need to know their name, where they live, their phone #, what their parents do for a living, what kind of grades they get, what they got on their SATs, how they dress, if they go to church, and if they're male or female.

58. You bring home straight As, and your parents say, "So? You're supposed to get that!

59. When you get a car, the only places you're supposed to go is school, the library, and maybe the grocery store to do grocery shopping for them.

60. You'll be somewhere with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and then you'll see an adult from church, so you immediately start freaking out.

61. Your parents simply cut off the green/black part off the bread and say, "Eat it anyway; it's still good."


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